


The Call

by roguewrld



Series: Clint Barton's Home for Wayward Mind Wiped Assassins [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: #coulsonlives, Angst, Gen, Misunderstanding, Therapy, clint doesn't know, implied hallucinations, pre-AOS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 10:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2465546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguewrld/pseuds/roguewrld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint's secure cellphone was ringing again.</p><p>In the fall of 2013, Clint has vivid dreams that Phil is still alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Call

**Author's Note:**

> Still not the sequel because S2 of AOS has changed all my plans. But have this bit of Clint whump in the meantime.

Clint’s secure cell phone was ringing again. 

It had been happening for weeks and Clint still couldn’t keep himself from answering.

He’d finally had to tell Niki about it because every time the phone rang Clint wanted to hide under the bed.

"I’m having… nightmares, I guess? Where Phil calls me. Sometimes he asks me to come back to work, sometimes we just talk."

"That’s not unusual, Clint. Lots of people dream about dead loved ones." He liked her office, with its deep green walls. The first time he’d tried to see someone and get help their walls had been blue and he’d bolted. "In your dreams do you know he’s dead?’

"I know but he doesn’t. The first time it happened I told him he was dead and he told me Fury had lied, he’d just been badly hurt and he was fine now." 

It had seemed so real he’d woken up the next morning still believing it. He’d called the Hub and asked for Phil and gotten a solemn “I’m sorry but Agent Coulson died in New York,” from the switchboard desk.

His next call had been to the IT helpdesk, thinking it was some kind of cruel prank but no one could find any unauthorized access.

"I need it to stop. I feel like he’s haunting me, like I’m going crazy."

"It’s your dream, Clint. Have you asked him to stop?" Niki was the best. It honestly hadn’t occurred to Clint.

But it was easier said than done. Clint looked at his half empty glass of scotch and wondered when he’d fallen asleep. He didn’t feel asleep.

The phone rang again so Clint swallowed the dregs of his drink and answered. “Barton here.”

"Hey, Clint." It was Coulson, just like always, just like it had been before. "I saw a photo of you in a sleazy tabloid shopping at Home Depot. Anyone pay their rent in big bills this month?"

"Now I can’t even buy drywall in peace." He’d seen the tabloid and he was pretty sure it had been the guy at the paint desk based on the angle of the photo.

"You could always stop playing house and come back to work. My Bus is almost ready, I’ve gotten the go ahead to put together a team. I could use your help."

God, why was he doing this to himself? “I can’t. You know I can’t.”

"I don’t believe that. You’re still Hawkeye, still the best." He sounded so sure, like Clint hadn’t betrayed him when Phil had needed him most. "But if you’re not ready I’ll let it go. What do you think of Agent Ward? I apparently need a new sniper."

This was so typical of Phil. He always pushed, always… Clint had almost forgotten again. He took a deep breath and let it out. This was only a dream. “Not a team player and Garrett is pretty possessive of him. There has to be someone else.”

"Not with the skills and clearance. I can make do. Unless you’re going to change your mind."

Manipulative asshole. The burst of anger was the only way he got the words out. “I’m not coming back, Phil, and I need you to stop calling.”

"I pushed too hard. I’m sorry." Phil sounded worried and he started the same old song and dance from the first dream. "I don’t know why Fury lied to you, but-"

"I can’t do this. I can’t help you, I wish to god I could but I am a broken toy. I am begging you. Please leave me alone." Clint refilled his glass and realized he was crying. Damn it.

"If that’s what you want." Clint had the sudden urge to take it back. What if he really never had this dream again? "Sorry I bothered you."

"You didn’t… you aren’t bothering me but I can’t do this anymore." He needed to say it, just once, even if Niki told him it was a poisonous way to think. "I just need you to know how sorry I am that I got you killed."

He heard a distant “Wait,” as he hit the end call button but it was apparently enough for Clint’s subconscious because the dreams did stop.

The last one was in September and Clint slept easy until May when Cap blew up the Insight helicarriers and what was left of Clint’s peace of mind.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Call [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4056844) by [paraka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paraka/pseuds/paraka)




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